Category Archives: art

Eli versus Modern Art: Part 2

‘Desire and fracking meet on a mountainside.’


‘Past cultural traditions provide future insights.’


‘Grief and microbes generate new possibilities for housing.’



‘Hurdles, pens and feeding troughs are just some of the equipment deployed in farming industries including commerce, handling, petting and even international diplomacy.’

So basically you’re a sheep mate.


Not here mate. Not here.

#isthistomorrow @the_whitechapel.

Some words: Accessible. Thought provoking. Good baby change.


Martin x

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“So, yeah, there’s more crime but you can get a yam at 3 in the morning.”



The Turner Prize was all videos.

Normally we don’t watch the videos.

Eli did not like the videos.

He liked playing on “Daddy’s pone.”

Until he started inadvertently Skyping bath time pictures of himself.

I explained this was inappropriate.

This happened.


The Turner Prize?

Last time we got a selfie under a big bum for Instagram.

This was just videos.

3 Colin Stars.


Martin x

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“This, my son, is why we used to pay twice the rent and ride to work in cattle trucks… to see weird stuff in galleries.”

Elmgreen and Dragset @_thewhitechapel.

“Iiiiiiccee Creeeeaaam.”



They say: “The work conveys a criticality towards the austerity measures and rising gentrification that have lead to the decline of municipal spaces.”

We say: “For a second I thought that was a real baby.”





















Some words: capitalism, babies, swimming pools, gentrification, children, Louise Bourgeoise, guns, cash, misery, fear, Jesus.


5 Colin Stars.


Martin x

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“No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.”
“Its conceptual, Eli. You need to give it a bit of time.”
Toddlers, eh?
‘H2O Art of Wet’ at The Undercroft, Norwich.


“Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down. Down.”
Its under the market square. Look.

“Out. Out. Out. Out. Out. Out. Out. Out. Out. Out.”
“I can’t deal with conceptual art and you running amok.”


Some words: water, plastic, water, plastic, horny face, bucket, spade, love, hate, indifference, jelly, puddles, sea, splash, water.”
Some words from a two year old. “Wet. Wet. Wet. Wet. Wet. Wet. Wet. Wet. Wet. Wet.”

“I know you are but I can’t change you here.”

5 Stars.


Martin xx

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SOMEONE needs to provide a comprehensive weekly directory of North Norfolk arts.

And it may as well be me.

A white staffy from Essex.

Well, maybe not weekly.

Im busy.


First up we travelled (walked) to Sheringham Museum to see ‘Drift’ by Jeanette Bolton-Martin.

It wasn’t photos on paper!

It was photos on silk!

They say: “Original cyanotypes created by Jeanette Bolton Martin, have been digitally reproduced on silk organza for the installation. The audience interacting, by allowing their walking around the space to create movement in the material. Throughout the duration of the exhibition, the silk edges of the artworks will begin to fray, simulating coastal erosion. At the end of the exhibition, the debris of frayed threads will be drifted out to sea and retrieved again.”

We say: It was really lovely looking out the tower of the museum, over Sheringham, through the beautiful, delicate works themselves representing the views.


Barely a day later we trotted (got the train) to Cromer. If you want to see an exhibition of wonderful art works by North Norfolk artists and you’ve gone to Cromer you’ve gone to the right place.

The RNLI Henry Blogg Museum.

One of the best bits was the models of typical seaside buildings made out of driftwood found on the beach.

Its kind of the same thing as the Sheringham thing.

I think they call it a synchronicity of content and form.

See – I can do arts – subscribe now!


Martin xx

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Eat a chuffing piece of shortbread and shhhhh!

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“The government announced in October that it will no longer be capping housing benefit for supported housing. This is a big win for Rethink Mental Illness.”

It was an exhibition at The Forum in Norwich. All the art was by people who had suffered from mental health difficulties.

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Eli did stop yelling randomly to say he liked the “dog.” Because he can say it.
Alyssa liked the fox.
Colin yelled out randomly to say he liked this one:

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We all loved the story.

“Thanks to thousands of campaigners campaigning with us on PIP the government have announced that they will not be challenging a court ruling from December which stated that last year’s changes to PIP were ‘blatantly discriminatory’ towards people with mental illness.”

Battles fought and won. Battles ongoing.


Martin x

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I can imagine, as Rembrandt was sitting at his easel in the 17th century… he was thinking:
“One day they’ll reproduce this scene in a provincial castle-come-gallery in 21st Century England so people can dress their tired/uncooperative babies up as me to share on their computers.”
And some of their dads will enjoy it too.

Sometimes things for the last hour are only 2 pounds or something coz you don’t get long. 

Long enough with a screaming baby.

5 Colin Stars,


Martin xx

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Strolled to an urban centre for some regional culture and regional gins.


“21st century humanity feels adrift in a sea of lies, deception and falsity.”


Seems Scrabble is the answer. 

I always knew it.

The excellent #nickwarbuton @norwichartscentr.

There was also mustard seeds in a frame…

I know!

And a celebrity breath auction.

I know!


The regional gins were lovely.


Martin x

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“They lived in squares and loved in triangles.”


Like me with the local Norfolk bitches.


#queerbritishart @tate.




“Erlands firm grip on the guns barrel seems suggestive.”


Perhaps he was just worried it might ‘go off.’




“He wrestled with the competing impulses of figuration and abstraction.”


I wrestle with whether to poop inside or outside.




“References to death and it’s peace can be disrupted by undercurrents of desire.”


We’ve all been there.




“He gravitated to London where he began the visceral exploration of the human figure.”


But now we’ve moved to the seaside.


3 Colin Stars,




Martin x


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Your baby is puking, your dog is pulling, the clouds are emptying…

What do you want your husband to say at that point… to ease the pain…

“Can we got to the shell gallery?”

But then it kind of does. Ease the pain. With a little slice of loveliness.
The Peter Coke Shell Gallery. Sheringham.

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Martin xx

PS Oh, and its free.

PPS You just have to travel to the loveliest town in the world.

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