london | The dog what blogs

‘Desire and fracking meet on a mountainside.’

“WANNA GO BACK ON THE TRAIN DADDY!”

‘Past cultural traditions provide future insights.’

“WANNA GO BACK ON THE TRAIN DADDY.”

‘Grief and microbes generate new possibilities for housing.’

“WANNA GO BACK ON THE TRAIN DADDY.”

Until..

‘Hurdles, pens and feeding troughs are just some of the equipment deployed in farming industries including commerce, handling, petting and even international diplomacy.’

So basically you’re a sheep mate.

“A BIG POO COMING OUT OF ME.”

Not here mate. Not here.

#isthistomorrow @the_whitechapel.

Some words: Accessible. Thought provoking. Good baby change.

Cheers,

Martin x

YAM

“So, yeah, there’s more crime but you can get a yam at 3 in the morning.”

#London.

*****

The Turner Prize was all videos.

Normally we don’t watch the videos.

Eli did not like the videos.

He liked playing on “Daddy’s pone.”

Until he started inadvertently Skyping bath time pictures of himself.

I explained this was inappropriate.

This happened.

*****

The Turner Prize?

Last time we got a selfie under a big bum for Instagram.

This was just videos.

3 Colin Stars.

Cheers,

Martin x

AUSTERITY

“This, my son, is why we used to pay twice the rent and ride to work in cattle trucks… to see weird stuff in galleries.”

Elmgreen and Dragset @_thewhitechapel.

“Iiiiiiccee Creeeeaaam.”

*****

They say: “The work conveys a criticality towards the austerity measures and rising gentrification that have lead to the decline of municipal spaces.”

We say: “For a second I thought that was a real baby.”

*****

Some words: capitalism, babies, swimming pools, gentrification, children, Louise Bourgeoise, guns, cash, misery, fear, Jesus.

*****

5 Colin Stars.

Cheers,

Martin x

UNDERCURRENTS

“They lived in squares and loved in triangles.”

Like me with the local Norfolk bitches.

#queerbritishart @tate.

*****

“Erlands firm grip on the guns barrel seems suggestive.”

Perhaps he was just worried it might ‘go off.’

*****

“He wrestled with the competing impulses of figuration and abstraction.”

I wrestle with whether to poop inside or outside.

******

“References to death and it’s peace can be disrupted by undercurrents of desire.”

We’ve all been there.

*****

“He gravitated to London where he began the visceral exploration of the human figure.”

But now we’ve moved to the seaside.

3 Colin Stars,

Cheers,

Martin x

BEDLAM

“The world is but a great bedlam where those that are more mad lock up those who are less.”

‘Beyond Bedlam’ @explorewellcome.

All the little audio commentary things been taken you see so we actually had to read stuff.

*****

There was a lot of old books but also a really good bit where patients had designed their ideal place to be…

I don’t think you were meant to take photos but still go even though you’ve looked at my illuminating blog.

It’s free.

4 Colin Stars.

Cheers,

Martin x

“The years must have seemed endless.”

“Most left no trace beyond their medical records.”

AVERAGE

“An average person loses 200000 bits and bobs in their lifetime.”

Should be more careful.

Some words: tickets, coins, combs, playing cards, clips, pens, money, oysters, grandparents.

They build a history out of these things don’t they.
Museums.

This one was Rainham Hall. It is one of those merchant houses from the olden times.

You know the ones.

This one was good.

*****

Imagine if you could only take 10 things somewhere.
Mummy and daddy said:

Below Eli but above each other.

Il take that.

5 Colin Stars.

It was very good.

Cheers,

Martin x

STAIN

“Reading, embroidering, entertaining guests or strolling in the private garden.”

Wasn’t a bad life.

*****

@EastburyManor House, Barking. @nationaltrust.

*****

What’s this?

“No respectable Tudor lady wore knickers not even the queen.”

Goodness.

I was wondering about urine?

“Washerwoman used it as a stain remover.
Cloth makers used it to clean there wool.
Dyers added it to their coloured dyes to stop the colours from washing out.”

I use it to mark my territory.

The rooms were good when they had stuff in.

Particularly enjoyed the “chamber above the buttery.”

3 Colin Stars,

Cheers,

Martin x

BLITHERING

“You’re going to love this.”
“I love this.”

Except she didn’t really love it.
She virtually loved it.
Or really loved the virtual.

*****

What’s this staffy blithering on about?
Art, innit.
#Dreamkubrick @somersethouse.
There was a virtual reality bit to answer your question.
I think it was from ‘2001-A Space Odyssey’ but I could find a guidebook.

*****

Still it was very, very good…
Look at this!

And this!

Profound too, innit.

*****

5 Colin Stars.
£12.50 but you don’t at all mind.

Cheers,

Martin X

THE BABY WOT BLOGS

Martin wasn’t in the mood for Georgia O’Keeffe @tate modern (“all them bloomin flowers”) so Eli went to his first art exhibition, with his mummy and daddy, and blogged.

*****

I liked it when my daddy took me out the pram and put me over his shoulder.

I like moving around. It keeps me calm.

Like daddy.

I like the patterns and the colours.

Like daddy.

I liked looking at the beautiful visions.

Such as my mummy.

Cheers,

Eli x

PS I’m very advanced and want to point out to Martin it should read ‘The Dog THAT Blogs.’

NEW

This afternoon I…

Found “New ways of seeing.”

Experienced “New truths.”

Witnessed “New forms of modern beauty.”

All a bit much for a dank Wednesday.

#paintingwithlight @tate

*****

Turns out painting and photography are linked.

Copying, correcting, challenging and complementing.

I can do that.

“Truth in every particular ought to be the aim of the artist.”

Okay, tomorrow.

“Rejecting nothing, selecting nothing.”

Iv other things to do.

This was the best one…

Arthur Hacker ‘A Wet Night at Piccadilly Circus.’

But I mucked around with it.

4 Colin Stars,

Cheers,

Martin X

PS the other great thing was the shop…

Bought Eli his 1st proper ted…

The cashier joked that she feels cruel putting them in bags because it might remind them of the days when they were vacuum packed…….

The dog what blogs

Cultural diary of my Staffordshire Bull Terrier, Martin.

Tag Archives: london

Eli versus Modern Art: Part 2

YAM

AUSTERITY

UNDERCURRENTS

BEDLAM

AVERAGE

STAIN

BLITHERING

THE BABY WOT BLOGS

NEW